The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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