I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
