sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
