I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
