I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
