I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
