I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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