***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
