He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
