im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
