Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
