The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
