Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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