Your face is a jimmy john
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize