dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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