im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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