He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
