i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
