okay pat passed out under dana's car
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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