I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
