Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
