he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
