making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
