I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
