Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
