As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
