worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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