can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
