omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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