Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
