Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
