This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
