I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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