i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
