Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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