ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
