dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
