Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
