I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
