i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
