im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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