how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
