I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
