if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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