Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize