u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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