Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
