You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
