Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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