i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize