So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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