The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
