She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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