No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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