My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
