I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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