So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You smell like stripper and shame
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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