brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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