Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
