I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
