Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He better not be in your backpack
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I yelled at your uterus for you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
