I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
