It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
