Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
