Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
