Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
