Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
