Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
