loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
