I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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