She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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