question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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