My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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