like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
