My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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