We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
