Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
