i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
