no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
