Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
