i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
