I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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