luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
