i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize