shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
