Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
