He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
