so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
