Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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