I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
