Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
