I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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