worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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