Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
