Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
