Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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