I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize