Welp...herpes.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
