some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
